2021 - The Breakout Year
2021 has been quite a year. I don’t know what else to say about it, aside from it being a rough ride. It pretty much ran on the coattails for 2020, which was a culterf*ck of emotions in itself. I mean, we were kind of getting “out” of the pandemic, so to speak, only to be rushed back into schools closing.. again, shutdowns being reinforced and the ongoing battle of to mask or not to mask and Vaxers vs. Anti-Vaxers. It was insane. The battles of public health continued to run rampant.
On a mental and spiritual level, though, I was becoming a woman I never thought I could actually be. I spoke up for myself in ways I never could have imagined. I spoke truth to power, and received so much backlash that had me severing multiple ties at once. I decided I could no longer “deal” with unacceptable behavior from anyone, kin included. Plus, I protected my son at all costs. Nothing prevented from keeping our mental sanity in tact. I meditated like it was nobody’s business, talked to my therapist on a weekly basis, advocated for myself and my son in ways that exuded my resilience and pretty much never gave up on pursuing a better life for him and me. Life just had to get better and I did what I could this year.
The growth was necessary because I couldn’t stay in the same fearful position I’d been in for years. It has never served me. Fear looked like me not speaking up for myself or not being fully transparent about how I felt, when I actually did say something. But the egregious acts against me in 2021 alone, propelled me into an authenticity I’ve longed for.
I would say 2021 taught me how to stand be firm in who I am as a woman. I can no longer cover her up, neither do I want to. The woman I’ve prayed to be is finally someone I am growing in sync with more and more each day:
I’m connecting to others in ways that feel good.
I’m leaning into my happiness and what is truly for me, which means I am not settling.
If something doesn’t “feel” right, in any capacity, then it just won’t work and I don’t question it. Second-guessing myself has been a mental barrier, which has caused me to act against my better judgement in times past. But, as aforementioned, I am more honest with myself regarding what works for me and what doesn’t. I read the novel, “I Almost Forgot About You” by Terry McMillan, and her character explained that she wouldn’t ignore herself, even in the smallest areas of her life. I took that mantra personally because it was a self-development strategy I would definitely benefit from adapting.
I craved authenticity in every aspect of my being because it healed me. I’m also in the publication phase of my own memoir, which is an added accomplishment, as I wrote the book to purge from all of the silencing I’ve been dealing with my whole life.
So, as the new year approaches, I am seeking to continue this trajectory of speaking up and going after I want. I truly want to embody who I am and have that manifest in purpose, love and connection.
This is the year of fruition.