On Letting Go
It takes a while to realize that you’ve been holding onto something for dear life, until you are forced to let it go.
I had to face this truth head on when I realized how desperately I was holding onto fear.
The fear of letting go (of fear itself).
The fear of reaching past my current circumstance and into my God-given calling
The fear of not being enough and ultimately shrinking
The fear of complacency and not embracing change
I moved to a new city and unknowingly brought these fears with me. I never realized how scared I was of change until it hit me full force. I had to lay down for a couple of weeks to catch my breath because life switched up on me fast! Now I am seeing how much of a burden fear has always been. I was scared to move out of state, so I made no consistent plans to do so until I was forced out. I was scared to really embrace myself as a Style Coach, so I lingered with setting up my site to offer my services. I lost sight of who I was because of the harsh conditions I was dealing with. Coparenting ish had consumed me, along with my toxic living situation. And I was doing everything in my power to stay afloat, until I couldn’t take it anymore. My health was affected, both mentally and spiritually. So, I couldn’t show up in this world as my authentic self, while putting up with so much shit. The two cannot coexist. You’'re either true to yourself, or you’re dishonoring who you are. I, personally, cannot function as a carbon copy of who people think I should be. That doesn’t work for me at all! No more shrinking or conforming. It’s self-destructive.
I am putting rest first, which includes my peace of mind. I am freeing myself from other people’s projections. Their judgement and criticisms are merely ways to avoid them dealing with their own issues. The Bible talks about clearing the beam out of your own eye before you can take the speck out of your neighbor’s. Yet, a lot of Christians have this scripture backwards with their higher-than-Christ attitudes and condemnation of others. It is so backwards to judge people so harshly, while your personal lives are out of order. It’s crazy that some people live life so unaware of themselves, yet point the finger to everyone else being the problem.
The fear of reaching past my current circumstance and into my God-given calling
The fear of not being enough and ultimately shrinking
The fear of complacency and not embracing change
I moved to a new city and unknowingly brought these fears with me. Never realized how scared I was of change until it hit me full force. I had to lay down for a couple of weeks to catch my breath because life switched up on me fast! Now I am seeing how much of a burden fear has always been. I was scared to move out of state, so I made no consistent plans to do so until I was forced out. I was scared to really embrace myself as a Style Coach, so I lingered with setting up my site to offer my services. I lost sight of who I was because of the harsh conditions I was dealing with. Coparenting drama had consumed me, along with my toxic living situation. I was doing everything in my power to stay afloat, until I couldn’t take it anymore. My health was affected, both mentally and spiritually. So, I couldn’t show up in this world as my authentic self, while putting up with so much sh*t. The two cannot coexist. You’re either true to yourself, or you’re dishonoring who you are. Shrinking and conforming are self-destructive.
I am putting rest first, which includes my peace of mind and freeing myself from people’s projections. Their judgements and criticisms are merely ways for them to avoid dealing with their own issues. Plot twist: I no longer give a damn! I am embracing myself wholeheartedly, as long as I live. Life is meant to be lived. I can’t be a dead man walking. I am vibrant. I am alive, and simply got derailed. That does not mean my dreams are denied.
I am walking in a newness because I deserve happiness and style and fashion and all of the good things life has to offer. I am not meant to suffer continually. God has me.