Authenticity Speaks: Showing Up As The Fullest Version of Yourself
Photo Courtesy of Michael Olisemeka
“Don’t be hiding behind the thing. Speak!” - Jenn
My therapist got me all the way together at our last session. We were talking about my dreams and goals and how things are slowly coming into fruition. I feel like I am on the brink of things manifesting in my life and the fear of failure scares me. Actually, it’s the fear of success. I am scared to fully portray the woman I need to be who takes hold of the blessings God has for her. It’s like I “tangibly” feel long-awaited dreams coming to life. Yet, I fear grabbing them (with full force) because I doubt my worth. However, there is a paradigm shift that is requiring me to speak up and fully embrace who I am because my words have power. But, I have been mincing my words with people that have disrespected me. Beating around the bush and saying my peace (in part) so as not to offend them.
But. That’s. Not. Me!
I’m an advocate. Yet, I’ve been shrinking, even though God has deliberately put me in situations that call for my strength. I’m strong enough to admit that, which is why there is no shame in my vulnerability. I am OK, and sometimes we need to affirm ourselves because it’s easy to forget who you are when life comes at you sideways.
As a single parent, I’ve been going through a lot! Caring for another human being - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and socially, takes a toll on me at times. I cook, clean, reinforce boundaries, prepare him for the world, care for his feelings, watch and pray over them, while keeping him as safe as I can, because nothing’s really in our control, anyway. Plus, I overthink, which causes me to question whether I’m doing this whole “parenting” thing right to begin with!
It’s a lot and I can’t do it alone.
So, I started asking for help. I reached out to a stylist on Instagram to help me finish my hair because I no longer have the bandwidth to do it myself! For the past two years, I’ve been:
Tapering my hair
Bleaching it blonde
Shaving off the damaged ends
Growing it out
Box-braiding it
Faux locing it
Perming it
And doing protective styles in rotation (on top of all the other stuff I’m already doing!)
Your girl is tired!
Hence, the following reinforcements:
I worked with my son’s father to coordinate tutoring for him
Reached out to a friend when I needed support
Loved myself when I didn’t feel like I made the right decisions in certain situations
And I’ve been leaning on God for guidance
I am doing my best!
Happiness is the most important to me, as I choose to live in ease and flow. Thus, I course-correct. Because my voice matters.
Happy Sabbath.